Easy mistake I suppose

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Ordered replacement pads from my TENS pain-relieving machine from Boots. Clueless-but-Helpful placed the order for me and would call when available.

Imagine my surprise when I turned up to collect them only to be faced with Tena pads for incontinence. Clueless seemed unfazed by this insisting the urine absorbing pads were the same as the electrical pulse transmitting TENS pads I was actually after.

When I had spent 5 minutes detailing to Clueless why this wasn’t going to be possible, she instead just tried to sell them to me anyway. Not today thankyou.

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Will I get £200 for selling my story?

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I’ve had an ongoing need to visit the surgery regularly for dressings, they’ve fitted me in at various times that are not normal patient times because I’m a regular and a 5 minute job I’m grateful but it means the waiting rooms are often empty when I’m there while the doctors are either on their rounds or making telephone calls to patients.

I heard that confidentiality was a good idea within the medical profession. Maybe it’s over-rated. Trouble is, it’s a small town. Not banjo, pig-squealing small, but there is still a chance you bump into at least 3 people you know while walking through the high street.

The doctors seem to have ignored the fact I’m sat in the waiting room and are making their various calls and having their various colleague discussions with me sitting there. I now know that Mrs B has a very bad case of thrush following the birth of her third child; Mr F’s piles would benefit from a salt water bath and Miss S should stop her antibiotics if they are interfering with her asthma medication.

OK, nothing I’d ring the News of the World about but I may know Mrs B, Mr F and Miss S. I just hope that Mr D gets the some help with his suppositories as the repeated walk through over the phone do not seem to have helped. “No, you need to remove the foil first Mr D. That’s why they are not working”.

“You’re not on my list.”

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I’m ringing to see if you have any idea what time my community nurse will visit today as it’s getting a bit late and I really need to go out shortly.

“You’re not on my list.” –  Well I’ve been seen by a district nurse every Sunday for the last few months now so I should be on your list.

“Well I don’t usually work this patch. Do you normally get seen on the weekend?” – I’ve been seen every Sunday for the last few months.

“I’ve already been to your village this morning. As you’re not on my list are you sure it can’t wait until Monday?” – I’ve been seen every Sunday for a dressing change for the last few months because it doesn”t last until Mondays.

“Do you think it will last until Monday this weekend?” – Well now that you mention it, I’ve clearly been wasting the NHS’s time these past six months. I shouldn’t have put my life on hold waiting for community nurses to visit on the weekends and not been able to visit friends and make plans. I’m glad you suggested I wait until tomorrow. You know what? I think I might just make it until Mon….. hang on…. No. What time will you be coming?

Family outing to radiology

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There aren’t many seats in the waiting room for the MRI so why 2 patients brought an entourage is beyond me. West African lady had her 3 grown up daughters there, all trying to out do each other with their knowledge of their mother’s ailments, drug times, eating habits and food preferences – all while oblivious to her repeated request for a drink of water.

Jam-Jar glasses had brought 2 further generations bored out of their mind with him. Each one more concerned than the next with how one of the absent family members, Steve, would cope cooking his own tea while the rest of them took up all the seats in the MRI waiting room.

Morphine again

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Another load of cash exchanged for prescriptions. Luckily one of them is morphine so I will no longer be in agony. Downside, from my last experience with Oramorph, is the Swiss cheese brain.

The world seems to be happening around me. I’m in a room, I don’t know why. I’m half way through writing a text message but I don’t know who it’s too. At least I’m not in pain.

District nurse arrives. She’s planning her wedding. Spotted that I was and still am a “mrs” when she read my case notes and we’re of similar ages. We exchange wedding planning experiences and I reassure her that while she’ll never please everyone, she’ll still have a wonderful day. In current state I can’t really remember mine though.

Match of the Day on morphine was an altogether more pleasurable experience.

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