“You’re not on my list.”

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I’m ringing to see if you have any idea what time my community nurse will visit today as it’s getting a bit late and I really need to go out shortly.

“You’re not on my list.” –  Well I’ve been seen by a district nurse every Sunday for the last few months now so I should be on your list.

“Well I don’t usually work this patch. Do you normally get seen on the weekend?” – I’ve been seen every Sunday for the last few months.

“I’ve already been to your village this morning. As you’re not on my list are you sure it can’t wait until Monday?” – I’ve been seen every Sunday for a dressing change for the last few months because it doesn”t last until Mondays.

“Do you think it will last until Monday this weekend?” – Well now that you mention it, I’ve clearly been wasting the NHS’s time these past six months. I shouldn’t have put my life on hold waiting for community nurses to visit on the weekends and not been able to visit friends and make plans. I’m glad you suggested I wait until tomorrow. You know what? I think I might just make it until Mon….. hang on…. No. What time will you be coming?


Morphine again

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Another load of cash exchanged for prescriptions. Luckily one of them is morphine so I will no longer be in agony. Downside, from my last experience with Oramorph, is the Swiss cheese brain.

The world seems to be happening around me. I’m in a room, I don’t know why. I’m half way through writing a text message but I don’t know who it’s too. At least I’m not in pain.

District nurse arrives. She’s planning her wedding. Spotted that I was and still am a “mrs” when she read my case notes and we’re of similar ages. We exchange wedding planning experiences and I reassure her that while she’ll never please everyone, she’ll still have a wonderful day. In current state I can’t really remember mine though.

Match of the Day on morphine was an altogether more pleasurable experience.

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